Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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