Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
