You smell like stripper and shame
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
