Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
