this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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