So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
