Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
