Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
