she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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