69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
