There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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