4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
