As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
