her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
