after a month anything with tits is on the radar
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
