my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
