And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
