dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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