it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Enjoy the penises
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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