um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
