3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
