I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
