Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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