Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
