sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
