So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
