i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
