theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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