I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
