She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
