I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
