ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
