I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
