Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
they need to just BURY HIM!
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
