It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
