a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
