Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
