new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
