We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
