there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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