just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
