We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
