Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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