my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
