My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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