Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
