R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
