After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
