He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
