Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
