Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
