i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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