Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
