Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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