how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
