i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She's the barista slut.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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