Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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