You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
