pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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