someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
im holly from the hills drunk
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
